Photo: http://studio247.asia/
Rock through the weekend: 黃貫中〈這是我姿勢〉
原子筆學曉結他的搖擺
飄越心中的海洋
讓今日的音符
展開翅膀
飛到遠方
The pen has learnt the rocking of the guitar
Flying across the sea in our hearts
Let today’s music note
Expand its wings
And fly to a faraway place
1997 North Korea Famine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30-2sPGNGEw&feature=relmfu
Worse off than the 1990s:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUkW8ZiMHCs
Does the so-called happiness mean reluctant to,
Do not want to listen to the true voice;
Does the so-called joy mean reluctant to,
Do not want to look at the true situation.
Or
Is the so-called cheerfulness built on the pretense
Of not listening to and looking at the truth.
When you and I know the truth,
Will we be happy still?
Or you and I will realise,
Actually happiness contains lies;
We are lying to ourselves—
I do not know,
Nor do I want to know,
To touch on,
To listen to the truth…
I anaesthesise myself “I don’t know”
And it turns out to be we are all happy.
何謂快樂（北韓系列讀後感）
所謂快樂 是不是不願
不想聽見真實的聲音
所謂開心 是不是不願
不想看見真實的情形
又抑或
所謂愉快 是建築在假裝
聽不見看不見真相之上
當你我知道真相
我們又會不會繼續開心
還是你我會發現
其實快樂也有欺騙成份
我們在欺騙自己
我不知道 不想知道
不想接觸 不想聽見事實
再麻醉自己「我不知道」
原來大家都這麼快樂
Apakah Itu Kegembiraan? (Tinjauan Selepas Membaca Siri Buku tentang Isu Korea Utara)
Apakah kegembiraan itu bermaksud keengganan untuk
Mendengar suara benar
Apakah kebahagiaan itu bermaksud keengganan untuk
Melihat situasi benar
Ataupun
Apakah keriangan itu dibina atas asas
Untuk tidak mendengar tidak melihat kebenaran
Ketika kita mengetahui kebenaran
Apakah kita akan terus bergembira
Ataupun kita akan mendapati bahawa
Kegembiraan itu mengandungi bohong
Kita sedang menipu sendiri
Aku tidak tahu
Aku tidak mahu tahu
Tidak mahu menyentuh
Tidak mahu mendengar kebenaran
Dan menyuntik anestetik “Aku tidak tahu”
Rupanya kita semua pun gembira
Photo: http://www.tw-dvd9shop.com/dvd/168157298.html
去年我看無線電視劇〈天與地〉的時候，看到飾演劉俊雄一角的林保怡，我馬上就想起他早前拍的港劇〈妙手仁心〉。猶記得當年的〈妙手仁心〉吸引了不少觀眾，據說還激勵了一些年輕人發奮圖強考上醫學系當醫生，或者其他跟醫療行業相關的大學科系，例如藥劑系、護理系，以便畢業後可以享受一下劇中醫護人員的生活方式。
我印象比較深刻的〈妙手仁心〉演員包括林保怡、吳啟華和蒙嘉慧。在這部長達三輯電視劇裡，一群年輕的醫護人員常常在下班之後到高級餐廳、酒吧食飯飲兩杯，或者忙著與情人談情說愛。若然觀眾對醫護人員的真實生活一無所知，還真的誤以為從事醫療行業的人都是如此享受著生活：家住高級公寓，出入有名車代步，還有閒暇光顧城中知名餐廳享用美食，飯後與情人十指緊扣漫步在維多利亞港吹著綿綿海風，對著讓人如癡如醉的香港夜景說著甜蜜情話…一句講完，就是生活無憂，非常清閒輕鬆，意即廣東話說的「佗佻」(粵語發音：taa4 tiu4)。
但問題是港劇最為人詬病的問題就是絕大部分的港劇跟香港市民的生活實況相差太遠，如果我們對港劇所呈現的畫面都信以為真的話，我們還真的會以為在香港，每個人都住得起私人樓宇、一個人工作賺錢就一定開得起Nissan Murano或Land Rover，甚至以為每個醫護人員下班之後都過著〈妙手仁心〉劇情裡的那種悠閒生活。
其實，醫護人員的工作從來都不是輕鬆的，更不可能清閒（除非那家醫院或診所要倒閉了）。試著從這個角度想，閣下一整個晚上不睡覺的感覺如何？睡過一小時之後再起身工作十二個小時是什麼感覺？你/妳幻想一下自己完全沒睡覺持續工作三十六個小時—今天早上七點工作到晚上七點，晚上七點到第二天清晨五六點值個小夜班、大夜班，清晨五點多閉上眼睛拼命忍著不要睡死，然後六點半起身準備從早上七點開始工作到晚上七點。醫生更可憐，除了超過二十四小時不停工作無時間食飯嘆茶、陪家人和情人，甚至親生父母臨終之前都沒有時間趕回家鄉見最後一面（這絕對不是開玩笑），他們還要研讀很多paper寫論文、跟進全球最新的醫學知識與發展。如果沒跟上最新知識而造成醫療疏忽，一旦被病人告上法院隨時會傾家蕩產，因為在法律上這個叫做「該注意而未注意到的細節，結果造成醫療疏忽」。
醫生不是常告誡我們生活作息要正常，早睡早起身體好，閒來無事常跑跑，然後還耳提面命叫我們千萬不要熬夜不睡覺嗎？這些道理大家都知道，那醫生自己又做得到嗎？不好意思，醫生沒有這種美國時間去享受我們一般大眾所享受的睡覺和運動習慣。醫生和醫護人員明明知道他們如此日以繼夜工作是最傷身的，但他們都沒有選擇，他們不能因為疲累所以跟緊急病房和加護病房的病人說「非常抱歉，我們很累，今天請假一天，車禍手腳斷掉請到隔壁醫院就醫」，更不可能跟人家說因為工作了三十六個小時眼皮太沈重所以昨天開錯藥、手術開刀造成疏忽…
醫生的光環底下隱藏著許許多多我們一般人都不曾體驗過的辛勞，但我們往往不瞭解，以為醫生是最賺錢的工作，以為醫生都是最聰明的人所以我們可以期待他們不會犯錯，以為醫生常常不睡覺拼命照顧病人就是叫做「懸壺濟世」。
其實，縱使頂著社會上最耀眼的光環，醫生比你我都更需要正常的工作時間、正常的作息。只可惜那光環遮蔽了社會的眼睛，我們不大願意聆聽他們的心聲，結果他們也只好默默承受，繼續埋頭苦幹。
醫生、醫護人員，您們還好嗎？需不需要請假回家睡一睡？
When I saw Bowie Lam acting as Lau Chun Hong in the TVB drama “When Heaven Burns” last year, I thought of his another Hong Kong drama in earlier years—“Healing Hands”. I still remember that the drama attracted quite a large fan base back then. It was also said to have inspired some young boys and girls to study hard to get into medical school or other degree programmes which are related to the medical industry, such as pharmacy and nursing, in the hope that when they graduate, they can enjoy the lifestyle of the medical staff in the drama.
In the drama “Healing Hands”, I was more impressed with Bowie Lam, Lawrence Ng and YoYo Mung. In this three-series long drama, the young medical staff enjoyed their dinner and drinks at luxurious restaurants and pubs or busy spending time with their lovers after working. If the audiences have no clue of the real life of medical staff, they would have thought that all medical staff are enjoying life this way—living in sophisticated condominium, driving luxurious cars, and they have time to enjoy good food at the famous restaurants in town, after dinner they would enjoy the night breeze with their lovers at Victoria Harbour, sweet-talking with their lovers while viewing the fascinating Hong Kong night scenery. In conclusion, they have no worries in life and they are very free and relaxed, just like what the Cantonese term aptly describes as ‘taa4 tiu4′ (Cantonese pronunciation).
But the problem is that HK dramas are notorious for being way too unrealistically different from the real life of most Hong Kongers. If we are to take everything appears in HK dramas seriously, we would have thought that in Hong Kong, everybody affords a private apartment, a working class person affords to drive Nissan Murano or Land Rover, or we would even believe that every medical staff enjoys life relaxingly like the roles of the “Healing Hands” story did.
In fact, the work of medical staff has never been relaxing, let alone free (unless the hospital or clinic is on the verge of closing down). Try to think from this perspective—how do you feel for staying awake all night? How do you feel when you have to work for twelve hours after sleeping for only an hour? Try to imagine that you work for 36 hours without sleeping—from 7am to 7pm today, night shift from 7pm to 5am or 6am tomorrow, you close your eyes after 5am but forcing yourself to avoid a sound sleep, and you wake up at 6:30am and work another full shift from 7am to 7pm. Doctors are even worse; they don’t have time for their family and lovers because they need to work for 24 hours without rest, even when their parents are saying goodbye they don’t have time to rush home to see them for the last time (this is no kidding). And they need to read and research many papers to keep themselves abreast with the latest medical knowledge and development. If they fail to keep themselves updated of the latest knowledge and make medical mistakes, they risk bankruptcy if they are sued by their patients, for according to law, this is called ‘the details which should have been paid attention to but being ignored, and it caused medical malpractice’.
Haven’t doctors been advising us to have healthy lifestyle, sleep and rise early, go for a jog when we’re free, and do not stay awake all night? We know all these dos and don’ts, but do doctors practise it themselves? Sorry to say that doctors do not have the American time (Taiwanese colloquial, literally means free time) to enjoy the sleep and exercise that the public enjoys. Doctors and medical staff are very clear that working round the clock harms their health, but they have no choice. Even if they are really exhausted, it is impossible for them to tell the patients in the emergency rooms and intensive-care units ‘we’re terribly sorry, we’re dead beat tired and we need one day off, if you have your hands and legs broken in a car accident, please visit the hospital next door’. It is even more impossible for them to tell the patients they prescribed the wrong medicine or made mistakes during a surgery because they have heavy eyelids due to their 36-hour work shift.
The toiling inexperienced by most ordinary people is kept unseen behind the pride of doctors. But we don’t understand that, so we thought doctors earn the highest income, they are the smartest people so we don’t expect them to make mistakes, they work without sleep to take care of the patients and this is called practising medicine to help the people.
In fact, despite being honoured by the society, doctors need normal working hours and more rest than we do. Unfortunately, the honour and pride blind the society’s eyes, we are not really willing to listen to them, and they have no choice but to accept silently and continue to work industriously.
Doctors and medical staff, are you guys still alright? Do you need to take a leave and go home for a sleep?
Photo: http://studio247.asia/
幾曾相識的城市
依稀模糊的笑容
彷似與我很親密
但又彷彿有些遙遠
是對前世綺夢眷戀
是對前世情緣依依不捨
還是前世延續著今世
所以我不敢捨去
所以我不忍離棄
即使
一起漫步的街道
相視而笑的巷子
消失在歷史洪流
其實
我又怎麼忍心對妳殘忍
活生生撕裂
妳我 在這
前世今生來世的情緣
The little town which I was once familiar with
The ambiguous smile
As if it was really intimate with me
But it was as if a little faraway
Am I affectionate with the dream in my past life
Am I not willing to grudge the affection in my past life
Or the past life is linked to current life
—Which explains why I dare not relinquish
And why I do not hardheartedly abandon
Even if
The streets where we had loitered together
The small lanes where we looked into and smiled to each other
Disappear in history
In fact
How dare I be cruel to you
And tear apart
The affection of the past, current and next lives
Between you and I
Photo: http://han-studio247.blogspot.com/2012/02/stop-lynas-save-malaysia.html
To Lynas Australia,
When the people expel you, pack your radioactive and go back to the home of yours.
When the people hate you, look into the mirror and evaluate the guilty heart of yours.
人民喊打驅趕你，收拾輻射歸家去。
人民憎恨詛咒你，照鏡反省你心虛。
Apabila rakyat menghalau kamu, bungkuskan radioaktif dan balik rumah kamu.
Apabila rakyat benci kamu, tengok cermin dan menilai hati yang berdosa kamu.
P/S: Dear Malaysian Government, please save our beautiful land, and do not let our Motherland cry.
Photo: http://www.studio247.asia/
I have had a weird dream last night. And I wonder if my recent reading of another book on North Korea has something to do with my weird dream of the pathetic state.
I was a South Korean in the dream. Thanks to the Sunshine Policy advocated by President Kim Dae-jung, I was selected to join the Inter-Korean summit and see my aunt in Pyongyang, 200 kilometres north of Seoul. My mum gave me a photo which she took with my aunt, her younger sister, when they were studying at a kindergarten in Seoul. The photo has turned yellow but mum still keeps it as her treasure. In the dream, I didn’t know how many saddening stories of the split of the Korean Peninsula and families does this photo represent; I was blurred and caught the bus sponsored by Hyundai Group. Along the journey, I saw the excitement and uproar of Seoul fading away, and I heard the silence of Kaesong, the border city, after I had passed the heavy inspection of the North Korean soldiers at the other side of the 38th parallel north. I saw the splendidness of rivers and mountains in North Korea, and the scenery outside the bus captured my heart perfectly. However, I suddenly felt sad for this country which has failed to spare her people from hunger. In my dream, I was thinking that ours are two countries whose soil links together, but why our destinies are completely different from each other?
As both North and South Korea allowed families of both sides to meet each other for the first time in fifty years, the venue attracted many local and foreign reporters. There were many old folks at the venue, and as they reunited with their brothers and sisters who have separated for fifty years, they hugged and cried together. Some of them, having shed their tears, started to hold hands and sing the folk songs which became a craze in the Korean Peninsula before the Korean War. I was looking for my aunt while looking at these scenarios.
Hilariously, although I became a South Korean in the dream, and my aunt and her family the North Koreans, I saw my face as if seeing a mirror in the dream, in which my aunt still looked young and my little cousin girl appeared with her same look. My aunt said that my little cousin is studying Grade 2 at an elementary school in Pyongyang. The school had a speech contest to commemorate great leader Kim Il-sung, and the theme was “how to implement the juche ideology of the great leader Kim Il-sung in our daily life”. And my cousin performed well and won a runner-up. My aunt also said that with her husband’s rank in the army, their family enjoys the priority to have more food ration, and even if the whole Pyongyang blacks out, their apartment still shines like Kim Il-sung square.
“The whole Pyongyang blacks out?” I was aghast.
“Ya! Our whole country blacks out at night! And now we only have electric supply a night or two every week; only the places which commemorate the leaders have stable power supply, like Kim Il-sung square and Kim Jong-il statues,” said aunt.
Oh my goodness! Food and electricity are a matter of course! Why are they distributed according to class? I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
My aunt told me that communist countries promote fairness in their propaganda, but they are instigating class struggle in practical. If you are from a lower class, you deserve the starvation and chilliness, and sometimes the government, at its free will, accuses you of having “tainted blood”.
The way she talked to me made me even more curious. She didn’t afraid that the North Koreans sitting at the next table report her to the party saying that she’s humiliating the great leader and the nation’s pride?
She said the grandfathers and grandmothers sitting at next table are busy gathering with their old relatives to shed the tears of missing each other for five decades, who on earth cares about whatsoever great party and nation, whatsoever juche ideology?
I nodded in my dream. And at this moment, my cell phone’s alarm rang and woke me up from my weird dream of the Korean Peninsula.
I am having my breakfast with a blurred mind and started working on my laptop. And I see the three books on North Korea issues that I kept in my bookshelf. I thought of hunger, the disaster that these three books kept on mentioning pathetically. Next to my coffee mug I have some biscuits. All of sudden I feel that I am really lucky to have a cup of coffee and biscuits. As I am feeling lucky, at the same time, ironically, I feel pathetic for hundreds of thousand of North Korean souls who have died of famine. I stare into the sunshine outside the window, praying that today’s sunshine will warm North Korea’s spring and cultivate its farmland, and never let North Koreans die of starvation in the land which is full of helplessness.
昨夜作了一個很奇怪的夢。不知道是不是因為我最近又讀了一本關於朝鮮的書，所以連夢境都會跟朝鮮扯上關係。
在那夢境裡，我是一個韓國人，拜金大中總統的陽光政策所賜，我有幸從首爾北上距離兩百公里以外的平壤跟我的阿姨見面。媽媽給我一張照片，那是她跟阿姨小時候在首爾念幼稚園的時候拍的照片，一張經已發黃但媽媽依然當寶來珍藏的照片。夢裡的我，不知道這張照片的背後代表著多少個南北韓國土分裂、妻離子散的辛酸故事，只是迷迷糊糊地上了現代集團贊助的巴士，沿途望著逐漸遠去的首爾式喧鬧與塵囂，通過了站在三八北緯度線另一端的朝鮮軍人的重重檢查，耳聞邊界城市開城(Kaesong)的沈默。我在夢裡看見朝鮮山河的壯麗，這幅風景完全俘虜我的心，然而，我馬上又為這個無法擺脫飢餓的國度感到悲哀。我在夢裡想著：我們是兩個國土完全銜接的國家，但為何我們的命運竟然如此迥異？
南北韓相隔五十年之後首次允許兩國親人相聚，會場自然吸引了大批國內外記者。場內有很多老人，他們尋回五十年不見的親生兄弟姊妹，不禁相擁而泣，有些哭了沒多久就開始手牽手唱著韓戰前風靡朝鮮半島的民歌。我一邊看著這些畫面，一邊找我的阿姨。
可笑的是，雖然我在夢裡變成一個韓國人，我的阿姨和她家人變成朝鮮人，但我在夢裡卻鏡像般地看到自己的模樣，阿姨也依然是原本年輕的樣態，而我的表妹也是以一樣的樣子出現在夢中。阿姨說表妹在平壤的小學上二年級，上個月學校主辦懷念偉大領袖金日成的演講比賽，主題是「如何在日常生活中貫徹偉大領袖金日成的主體思想」，表妹表現優異，得了個亞軍。阿姨還說以她丈夫的軍人官階，他們一家人可以優先享有更多糧食分配，而且即使整個平壤停電了，他們的公寓依然像金日成廣場一樣燈火通明。
我大吃一驚：「整個平壤停電？」
阿姨答道：「對啊！到了晚上我們全國都停電啊！現在一個星期只有一兩個晚上有電，只有金日成廣場、金日成和金正日銅像這些紀念領袖的地方才會一直有電流供應啊！」
天啊！吃飯、用電本來就是天經地義的事情啊！怎麼都要靠階級來分配啊？我在夢裡覺得很莫名其妙。
阿姨說共產國家就是表面上跟你宣傳人人平等，但實際上都在玩階級鬥爭，你的階級低一點你就活該受罪捱餓受凍，有時候還可能被政府任意套上一個「沾污的血統」的罪名。
她這樣子說話我就更好奇了，她難道不怕被隔壁桌的朝鮮人聽到然後回家跟黨告狀，指控她污衊偉大領袖、有辱朝鮮國格嗎？
她說隔壁桌的阿公阿嬤顧著跟韓國老親人團聚共訴五十載相思之苦，哪有心情管他什麼偉大黨國、什麼主體思想啊？
我在夢裡也點了點頭，就在這時，手機鬧鐘響了，把我從朝鮮半島的怪夢中吵醒來了。
我迷迷糊糊地吃早餐，打開電腦開始工作，轉頭看見書架上我收藏的三本朝鮮專題的書。我想起三本書裡頭不斷重複苦訴的浩劫，那就是飢餓。我看著咖啡杯還有旁邊的餅乾，突然覺得自己擁有咖啡和餅乾是一件非常幸福的事，然而，當我覺得幸福之際，我又為千千萬萬個因飢餓死去的朝鮮靈魂感到悲哀。我望向窗外的陽光，祈禱今天的陽光可以溫暖朝鮮的春天，可以滋養朝鮮的稻田，不讓朝鮮人活生生餓死在那一片經已佈滿無奈的土地。
Photo: http://www.studio247.asia/
Alcohol Banned for Me
My important and immediate announcement at the end of Chinese New Year is that ALCOHOL IS BANNED FOR ME. I have had some bad experiences for many years that after I downed some alcohol, no matter how little portion it is, headache and insomnia come to haunt my soul. And staying up until the dawn and severe headache/ migraine are the scenarios I have to bear alone after my drinking with friends.
I know some friends would ridicule:“Come on, you aren’t drinking enough that’s why you have headache and can’t sleep. Drink more bro! Aren’t writers known for drinking??”
Well, I beg to differ. I am no Li Bai—the prominent Chinese poet of Tang dynasty. When he was drunk, he wrote masterpieces which have stood the test of time line for more than one thousand years. That’s certainly not my style. Imitating that will lead me to forever-sleep-deprivation syndrome.
And the ban takes effect immediately.
從此禁酒
春節結束，禁令上路—從此禁酒。每次喝了一點酒，即使份量再少，頭痛、失眠馬上折騰我到天亮。這問題困擾著我很多年了。眼金金到天亮、感覺腦殼欲裂的頭痛/偏頭痛就是我每次與友人把酒問月、對酒當歌之後必須獨自承受的後果。
我知道有些豬朋狗友又會趁機挑釁：「省了吧，你是喝太少所以就頭痛、睡不著，那就多喝兩杯啊！寫作人不都是出了名通通都是酒鬼嗎？」
天啊，饒了我吧！我不是唐朝大詩人李白，他喝醉了可以寫下流芳千古的經典。但我根本不吃這一套，如果硬要有樣學樣我恐怕就永遠沒覺好睡了。
謹此宣布，立即禁酒。
王菲〈知己知彼〉
作曲：Elisabeth Fraser/ Robin Guthrie/ Simon Raythonde
填詞：林夕
編曲：Adrian Chan
凌晨是我 明晨是你
事業陪著你 衣服纏著我
早已飛不起 在兩個人的天地
誰是我而誰是你 唇是我而眉是你
放於一起 在這再難放置愛情的天地
不知不覺愛已死（愛已死）
共你知彼知己 何必逃避（何必逃避）
紅裙屬我 藍籌屬你
玩物全屬你 飾物全屬我
一切花得起 在這 幸褔天地
誰是我而誰是你 曾令我還曾令你
滿心歡喜 在兩個人各有各人的天地
當初講過愛到死（愛到死）
就算今非昔比 仍一起（仍一起）
沒患難但各自飛 像天共地一般距離
歌詞翻譯 (Translation of Chinese Lyrics)
Faye Wong- Knowing Each Other
Music: Elisabeth Fraser/ Robin Guthrie/ Simon Raythonde
Lyrics: Albert Leung
Composed by: Adrian Chan
The dawn I am, the next morning you are
Career accompanying you, the cloth entangling me
We can’t fly since long ago, in the world of two persons
Who I am and who you are, the lips I am and the eyebrows you are
Placing together, in this world where love hardly has room again
Love dies out unknowingly (Love is dead)
Knowing each other well, why the need to run away (why the need to run away)
Red blouse belongs to me, blue chip belongs to you
All toys belong to you, all ornaments belong to me
All is affordable, in this happy world
Who I am and who you are; it has made you and me
Fulfillingly happy, and two persons have his and her own world
Initially we talked about loving till death (loving till death)
Even if today is worse than yesterdays, we’re still together (still together)
Without any setbacks we separated, like the distance between the sky and the soil
又再陶醉這一首歌
新年前夕懶得出門跟全世界塞車排隊等食飯，我依然故我地坐在電腦前面享受著自己的世界，碰巧找到王家衛執導，金城武、林青霞、梁朝偉、王菲、周嘉玲主演的〈重慶森林〉。這部電影非常經典，我特別陶醉的片段就是一頭tomboy髮型的王菲偷偷跑進警員梁朝偉那靠近蘭桂坊的公寓。王菲在梁朝偉家裡玩得很開心，要嘛就是爬到他床上找長頭髮、調換罐頭食品的標籤，不然就是把他那些破舊的日常用品換上新的、買金魚回去放在魚缸裡、把她小時候的照片貼在鏡子上面等等。
有一天，梁朝偉突然發現王菲在他家的窗口丟紙飛機，於是馬上跑回家。當他開門的時候，王菲剛好玩完了當天的份正要離開，梁朝偉與王菲見到對方時都大吃一驚。王菲馬上鎖門再躲到公寓裡，梁朝偉破門而入，王菲就趁他在尋找她的時候溜回去表哥的小吃店工作。梁朝偉每晚值班時都會經過這家小吃店幫襯一杯咖啡、一份廚師沙律。之後，梁朝偉在蘭桂坊巡邏時經過那家小吃店，還約她第二晚八點在對面的California酒吧見面。
第二晚，梁朝偉提早到那酒吧，還換了一些銅板放入唱機，一邊點歌，一邊等王菲。這時候電影突然有一首插曲，只有那麼短短幾秒鐘的尾音，那是王菲的歌，我一聽到最後的吉他聲，就馬上整個人從沈澱在電影裡頭的深淵醒了過來。
看過了電影之後，我開始翻回我存入電腦的王菲歌曲，那種突如其來的莫命興奮，就好像小時候突然想起一件擱置了很久的玩具然後馬上在家裡翻箱倒櫃拼命找玩具一樣。我原本以為我有這首歌，於是信心滿滿地試聽每一首王菲的歌的開頭跟結尾，結果才發現原來我真的沒有這首歌。這時候的我，很像一個尋遍家裡每個角落都找不到那玩具的小孩，於是只好回過頭來從維基百科搜尋到了那首歌的歌名，再上Youtube找這首歌。
結果真的找到了。當音樂悠悠響起的時候，我才發現我真的曾經非常、非常深愛這一首歌。這時候的我的心情，又像是我童年的哪一個時候呢？大概像是終於找到很久都沒玩的玩具車，裝入電池之後發現原來它還會動的那一份感動。還真的很久都沒感動過了，大概三十歲的男人都會忘記什麼叫著感動吧。
這是我反覆聽了好幾年的一首歌，就在台北冬天的雨點點滴滴的時候，就在我寫著文學課程的報告的時候，當我窩在宿舍寢室裡埋首電腦與書堆中享受著孤獨的時候，當我因為事與願違而憂傷的時候，當我為我喜愛的小說角色覺得開心或惆悵的時候。
師大畢業數年之後再與這首歌邂逅，讓我的台灣回憶更加濃烈。我越是回憶，就越是堅強、積極。每當我覺得虛弱、消極、懶散的時候，我就慵懶地坐在窗邊輕輕啜著咖啡，凝望著那一點一滴的雨水從天上掉下來，細細回味著師大圖書館、文學院、宿舍（我度過最多時間的幾個地方）、永康街、大安森林公園、古亭捷運站、台電大樓捷運站、和平東路、師大路、復興北路、誠品書局、林口、板橋、台中，還有獨自從師大走到台大的午夜漫步、台北一整年都下不完的雨，當然還有我的教授、朋友與同事。我現在慢慢感覺到：原來在這個混亂的世界裡，我還有這一段最美好的回憶支撐著我。
2012年1月1日。這一年就以我又再一次非常非常陶醉的這一首歌，還有我的台灣回憶來開頭。有這組合陪伴著我，我已準備好要完成更多工作、實現更多夢想。
新年快樂，開始追夢吧。
Indulging in This Song, Again
New year eve. I’m really lazy to hang out and get stuck in the traffic and queue for dinner. As I always do, I’m enjoying my sweet time with my laptop, and I’ve come across Wong Kar Wai’s Chungking Express starring Takeshi Kaneshiro, Brigette Lin, Tony Leung, Faye Wong and Valerie Chow on Youtube. The movie was great, and I was charmed by the storyline when tomboy-hair-Faye sneaked into the policeman Tony’s apartment near Lan Kwai Fong to play around— searching for long hair in his bed, changing the labels of canned food, replacing his old toiletries with new ones, adding gold fishes in his fish bowl, sticking her childhood photo on his mirror and stuff.
One day, Tony ran home when he saw Faye was throwing paper planes at his home. As soon as he opened the door, Faye had just ended her fooling around in the apartment and was about to leave. Tony was surprised, so did Faye, who then locked the door and hid in the apartment. As Tony broke in and was searching around, Faye ran back to her work at her cousin’s snack shop where Tony visited every night during his patrol for a cup of coffee and chef’s salad. When Tony was patrolling in Lan Kwai Fong, he went to the shop again and asked Faye out at the California bar just opposite the shop at 8pm next day.
On the next day, Tony went to the bar earlier, inserting coins into music-playing machine while waiting for Faye. The movie played the ending music of Faye Wong’s song which lasted just a few seconds. As soon as I listened to the final guitar stroke, I was suddenly awakened from my depth of ‘going into’ the movie.
I started to look into my laptop’s Faye Wong collection for the song after the movie, and I was like a little boy who suddenly thought of a toy which I had abandoned for quite some while and turned my home upside down to look for it. But to no avail, it was not saved in my music file. I was as disappointed as a little boy who found nothing and sitting at a corner after searching every corner at home. I had no choice but to search through Wikipedia and Youtube, and the song is on Youtube!
As soon as the music started, I realised I was once really, really in love with this song. And my discovery of this song was not unlike my childhood time when I was moved that I finally found my old toy car, inserted batteries and found out that it was still working. It has been quite a while since I was last moved, perhaps 30-year-old men usually forget the feeling of being moved.
This was the song that I had listened over and over again for years, when the winter rain was drizzling in Taipei, when I was working on my writing assignments of my literature courses, when I was enjoying loneliness with my computer and books in my dorm, when I felt sad that things didn’t turn out as I wished, when I was feeling happy or blue for my favourite characters of my favourite novels.
My discovery of this song several years after I graduated from NTNU actually makes me recall more of my Taiwan memory. The more I recall, the stronger I grow. When I feel weak, demotivated and sluggish, I sit next to a window, sipping a cup of coffee, seeing the rain falling from the sky, enjoying my reminiscence— NTNU library, liberal arts college and dorm where I spent most time, Yongkang Street, Daan Forest Park, Guting and Taipower Building MRT Stations, Heping East Road, Shida Road, Fuxing North Road, Elite Bookstore, Linkou, Panchiao, Taichung, walking alone from NTNU to NTU at midnights, Taipei’s rain throughout the year, and of course, my professors, friends and colleagues. I now slowly realise that in this sorrow world, I still have my best memory supporting myself.
Jan 1, 2012. The new year kicks off with this song which I am now, again, very very much fond of, and my Taiwan reminiscence— with the company of this combination, I’m ready to try my best to achieve more and realise more dreams this year.
Happy New Year and go for your dreams.
守護天使 – 黃家強 (featuring盧巧音)
曲：黃家強 (Beyond)
詞：林夕
編：唐奕聰
天使 在妳 背後那樣模糊
天使 是我 妳或會未在乎
能夠為妳守護 置自己於不顧
全意為妳守護 那是我天賦
天使 為妳 妳沒責任動情
天使 是我 背負昨日罪名
誰叫上帝公平 要做偉大事情
才會讓我光明 處罰我曾經
一點都不神聖
(也許這天使不夠好)
時刻靠在妳路途(路過了但妳未必知道)
只要天空未老(老死了跟妳都美好)
耗損我亦但求祝妳比我好
(但妳永未發現我的記號)
差的給我好的給妳收起
當天要塌下給妳戒備
光的給妳灰的給我擔起
即使妳拒絕因妳我墮地
戀戀地 天使般守護妳
天使 在妳 背後那樣模糊
天使 是我 妳或會未在乎
歌詞翻譯 (Translation of Chinese Lyrics)
Your Angel – Wong Ka Keung (featuring Candy Lo)
Music: Wong Ka Keung (Beyond)
Lyrics: Albert Leung
Composed by: Gary Tong
The angel standing behind you is so vague
The angel I am, and perhaps you just wouldn’t care
Caring for you without sparing a thought for myself
Caring for you wholeheartedly, and that’s my talent
The angel cares for you, and you have no obligation to be moved
The angel I am, bearing yesterday’s accusation
God is fair; when I do something great only will He let me shine
Punishing me for never had been great at all
(Perhaps this angel isn’t good enough)
Standing by your side all the time
(Perhaps you haven’t noticed the road has passed)
Just as long as the sky doesn’t grow old
(I just wanna be good with you until we grow old and die)
Even if I suffer I still wish you’ll be better off than I do
(But you won’t notice my symbol, forever)
Let me take the worst and keep the best for you
When the sky collapses I’ll be alert for you
Keep the brightness for you and let me bear the darkness
Even if you don’t wanna see me suffer for you
Lovingly protecting you like an angel
The angel standing behind you is so vague
The angel I am; perhaps you just wouldn’t care
Youtube Links:
Faye Wong 1997 “Help Yourself” Album Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUhuexuwRX4
Faye Wong 2011 Hong Kong Live Concert Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDFDqvQAdi0
Wong Ka Keung 2002 “Be Right Back” Album Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMUVJG2ELBI
音樂筆記
這是Beyond貝斯手黃家強為王菲寫的一首歌，收錄在王菲的1997年廣東EP《自便》裡頭。在2002年，黃家強發表第一張個人廣東大碟《Be Right Back》，邀請了好友盧巧音一起演繹這首好歌的重編版本。
王菲的1997年專輯版本和2011年香港演唱會版本，很明顯就是她的招牌迷幻唱腔。家強的2002年版本，則正是突顯出他在這四份之一世紀的音樂生涯中的專長：為流行音樂注入輕搖滾元素。
簡單來說，這是樂壇難得一見的清新音樂。
聖誕節快樂。
Music Notes
This is a song which Beyond bassist Wong Ka Keung wrote for Faye Wong’s “Help Yourself” Cantonese album in 1997. In 2002, Wong Ka Keung published his very first solo album – “Be Right Back”, and invited his good friend Candy Lo to feature in the re-composed version of this great song.
Faye Wong’s version in 1997 and her Hong Kong live concert version in 2011 clearly exhibited her psychedelic singing style. And Wong Ka Keung’s version, on the other hand, truly showed what he has been good at throughout his music career spanning a quarter of century – infusing soft rock elements in pop music.
In conclusion, this is a very refreshing song which is rarely seen in the music industry.
Merry Christmas.
Echoing Beyond’s song- 無盡空虛
無盡空虛
空虛 仿似無底深洞
嵌入生活每一個角落
潛入每一個閒暇時段
出沒每一個靜謐夜晚
七彩越是繽紛
奏樂越是響亮
歇斯越是底里
吶喊越是放縱
空虛越是纏綿
孤獨越是蔓延
寂寞越是擴張
惆悵越是莫名
越是努力釐清
空虛裡的真相
越是清楚發現
空虛沒有真相
那感覺空虛得可怕
越要擺脫掙扎
那感覺越是糾纏
越是藕斷絲連
它此起彼落
你祇好放任不理
任由它靜靜離去
然後又悄悄歸來
你無力掙扎
你已然投降
藉著筆墨揮灑
與小說對話
趁夜空還未雷雨交加
Endless Emptiness
Emptiness is as if a bottomless deep hole
Infixed in every corner of life
Dived into every free time
Entering every tranquil night
The more
Flourishing the colours are
Stentorian the music is
Hysterical we are
Dissipating our screaming is
The more
Emptiness lingers
Solitude spreads
Loneliness stretches
Inexpressible the ruefulness is
The harder you try to search for
The truth in emptiness
The clearer you come to learn
That emptiness is without truth
The sense of emptiness is terrifying
The more you try to cast off the struggle
The more loitering the feeling is
The more never-ending it gets
It falls and rises here and there
You’d do nothing but just let it be
Let it silently fade
And quietly return
You’re too weak to struggle
You surrender completely
By writing with your pen
You converse with your novel
Before thunderstorm rages the night
Kekosongan Tanpa Kesudahan
Kekosongan bagaikan lubang tanpa dasar
Memenuhi setiap penjuru dalam kehidupan
Menyelam ke dalam setiap masa lapang
Menyelusup ke dalam setiap malam sunyi
Makin
Berwarna-warni
Bersorak sorai
Histeria makin keterlaluan
Jeritan makin melampau
Kekosongan makin berpanjangan
Kesunyian merebak
Kesepian berkembang
Kekesalan makin sukar diungkapkan
Makin anda mencari
Kebenaran dalam kekosongan
Makin anda dapati
Bahawa kekosongan tiada kebenaran
Kekosongan itu mendahsyatkan
Makin anda cuba hentikan pertarungan
Makin berpanjangan perasaannya
Makin tidak dapat anda hentikannya
Ia lesap dan timbul sini-sana
Anda tidak dapat mengapa-apakannya
Maka biarkannya
Biarkannya luntur dengan senyap
Dan kembali tanpa bunyi
Anda tidak larat untuk melawannya
Anda menyerahkan diri sepenuhnya
Menulis menggunakan sebatang pen
Anda bersemuka dengan novel anda
Sebelum ribut petir menyerang malam ini
失眠人
又是失眠的夏夜
我分不清日與夜
亦不知道何謂一天
一天是一日一夜
或一日一夜再一日
早已分不清
清晨的蛋治
是早餐或第二份宵夜
看著街燈一起熄滅
凝望天際綻放光芒
看到街道逐漸繁忙
我知道 我已失去了一夜
是不是昨日的煩憂或思緒
變成一隻隻糾纏不清的螻蟻
阻塞著腦海裡的縫隙
阻擋著波浪般的睡意
我抬頭慨嘆遙望
注視著最遠一方
偷偷許了個願望
我要求並不狂妄
但求一覺到天亮
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
太陽猛烈照射雙眼
疲憊刺辣的雙眼
累得連一擊也不堪
上地鐵就馬上宣告癱瘓
車程不過半小時而已
我夢見座位上的自己
夢見沈睡得驚人的自己
油膩臉龐沾污車廂玻璃
夢境愈見逼真清晰
口水愈是點點滴滴
旁人盯著我 議論著我 嘲笑著我
我不知所措 夢裡的我 非常難過
也許太疲累 或承受不住旁人竊笑
我的身軀猛然抽動一下 就驚醒了
我假裝紳士 馬上正襟危坐
手裡的背包竟如夢境般被口水滴破
大家知道我尷尬 也假裝看不見 我的醜怪姿勢
多得大家體諒 我也繼續假裝紳士
多得大家體諒 失眠人累垮的睡姿
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
沈重的眼皮 硬是撐著
類睡眠狀態 雙眼頑強睜著
手裡的小說 勉強讀著
其實我很懂得假裝
假裝自己為了讀小說而繁忙
假裝戰勝內心對補眠的渴望
其實我渴望黑夜來得早一點
其實我渴望手錶走得快一點
但似乎手錶昨晚也失眠
今天秒針和我一樣
走得慢一點 發呆多一點
還添加兩分昏眩
Insomniac
Another insomnia night
I can’t distinguish day and night
Nor do I know what a day is
A day means one day one night
Or one day one night and another day
Since long ago I can’t distinguish
Morning’s egg sandwich
is my breakfast or second late supper
I saw street lights turned off together
Staring into the skyline dawning slowly
As I saw streets become busier
I knew I had lost yet another night
Is it yesterday’s trouble or bewilderment
that metamorphosed into haunting ants
Blocking the door gap of my brain
to stop the sleeping bugs from sending me signals
I hold my head up and look into the sky
Staring at the furthest place
Silently making a wish
I don’t want much
But just a sound sleep
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
The sun violently shines into my eyes
My exhausted and painful eyes
With the fatigue I can’t even withstand a hit
And surrendered as soon as I stepped into the train
It’s just a half-an-hour journey
In my dream I saw myself sitting
And sleeping unbelievably sound
My oily face stained the train’s window
The clearer the dream is
The more saliva I dripped
Other passengers are staring at me
Talking about me and laughing at me
In my dream I was saddeningly helpless
Perhaps I was too tired or couldn’t withstand others’ snicker
Suddenly my body twitched and I woke up
I pretend to be a gentleman and sit up straight
As in my dream my bag has been dripped full of saliva
Everybody knows my awkwardness
And pretend to see nothing about my ugly posture
Thanks to their forgiveness
I can carry on pretending to be a gentleman
Thanks to their forgiveness
they forgave the grueling sleeping posture of an insomniac
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
With a pair of heavy eyelids I struggled to keep open
With an almost sleeping status my eyes struggled to open wide
With a novel in hand I struggled to read through the lines
Actually I’m good at pretending
Pretending that I’m busy reading novel
Pretending that I’ve beaten my heartfelt-crave for a sleep
Actually I do wish the night comes sooner
Actually I do wish my watch runs faster
But my watch seems to suffer from insomnia as well
The hour and minute hands are same as what I am today
With the absent-mindedness we walk slightly slower
And stuffed in some sort of dizziness
Orang Insomnia
Suatu malam panas tanpa tidur lagi
Tak dapatku bezakan siang malam lagi
Malahan mengetahui apa itu satu hari
Satu hari itu satu siang satu malam
Atau satu siang satu malam dan satu siang
Sejak lama dulu tak dapatku bezakan
Sandwich pada waktu subuh itu
Sarapan pagi atau makan malam kedua
Ku nampak lampu jalan dipadamkan
Ku nampak latar langit mula bersinar
Ku nampak jalanraya makin sibuk
Ku tahu suatu malam telahku kehilangan
Apakah kebimbangan atau kebingungan semalam
memetamorforsis menjadi semut-semut yang hantui ku
Menyekat celah dalam otakku
Menghalang kegantukan yang menyerang seperti ombak
Ku mengangkat kepala dan merenung
Ke arah langit yang paling jauh
Menyuarakan hasratku dengan senyap
Hasratku tidak berketerlaluan
Hanya tidur lena sampai subuh
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Matahari menyinar ke arah
Mataku yang letih lesu
Tak mampu menahan satu serangan matahari
Dan terus lumpuh sejurus selepas menaiki LRT
Hanya perjalanan selama setengah jam
Termimpi sendiri yang sedang duduk
Termimpi sendiri yang tidur terlampau lena
Minyak mukaku mengotorkan gelas dalam LRT
Makin nampak benar mimpiku
Makin air liur berdetik-detik
Ku direnung, dibincang, diketatawa oleh orang lain
Dalam mimpiku aku tidak berdaya, dan menyedih
Mungkin ku terlampau letih atau tak sanggup diketawa
Tiba-tibanya badanku tergegar, dan terbangun
Ku berpura-pura berduduk tegak bagai seorang budiman
Bagai dalam mimpiku beg basah dibocori air liur
Mereka memahami situasi aku yang kekok
Berpura-pura tak ternampak keadaanku yang memalukan
Mujur dapat kemaafan mereka
Ku terus berpura-pura, seolah-olah ku seorang budiman
Mujur dapat mereka memaafkan
Muka orang insomnia yang tertidur terlampau lena
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Sepasang kelopak mata yang berat ku angkatkan
Suatu situasi mata yang nyaris tertidur ku tahankan
Novel dalam tangan ku memaksa sendiri bacakan
Sebenarnya ku pandai berpura-pura
Berpura-pura ku sibuk membaca novel
Berpura-pura ku berjaya memerangi keinginanku untuk tidur
Sebenarnya ku menginginkan malam datang dengan cepat
Sebenarnya ku menginginkan jam tangan berjalan dengan cepat
Namun jam tanganku juga seolah-olahnya tak dapat tidur semalam
Seperti ku pada hari ini jarum minit and saat
Berjalan lambat sikit, bermimpi kerap
Dan dibebankan kepeningan