逃離這城市 還剩甚麼可留在心底 忘記妳不如忘記自己
任你再用盡所有力量去懷念過去，已然消逝的愛情也不會再回來。你再怎麼可憐，經已離去的人也不會回頭。這就是愛情。它來得很快，消失得更快。更可悲的是，一旦離開了大學，愛情就經已不存在。工作的時候談的戀愛，大多是一種算計：跟這個人在一起有甚麼好處，對我事業錢途有無幫助，能否幫我提升社會地位。或者是在社會的壓力之下草草跟某某結婚組織新家庭，別人才從此認定你「經已成熟穩重」，不會再吊吊揈（diu4 diu2 fing6，粵語俚語，意即吊兒郎當）。以前你對某人的那種單純的喜歡、暗戀？這些事情大概過了二十多歲之後就沒有了。話雖如此，我們可以爲自己單純喜歡一個人而覺得開心，但最好不要寄望愛情。你終究會失望的。愛情出現可能祇有短短的十分鐘，也可能祇有幾天、幾個星期、幾個月。短暫如流星般的光芒，祇可以欣賞，不可以寄以厚望它會永遠存在。
如果沒有，也許你沒有這個緣份去擁有可以陪伴你走完人生的另一半，但也許命運早已爲你安排另一個伴侶，祇是那伴侶出現的形式不一樣而已。那也許是你的事業，你的興趣。人的宿命也是很奧妙的，有些人事業不錯，但偏偏承受不住社會壓力而隨便找一個人結婚就毀了一生。有些人很成功，幾經波折之後成就大業，但偏偏沒有緣份而一直都單身。這也許就是人們常說的上帝爲你關上一道門，一定會爲你打開一扇窗吧。生命總是不斷經歷 a take and a give，好像真的很少人能夠所有事情都很美滿的。
I have some friends who wear the willow and spoke to me recently. Forget about who is dumping who, I found a commonality from their experiences—high anticipation of a romance. It is wonderful to be falling in love; however, saddeningly, romance is transient—when you awake from the sweetness for a short while, or when you are indulging in the beauty of love, romance has already faded away. When love vanishes, whether you are lingering alone in the middle of the night in the streets where you loitered with her and resembling Danny Chan’s Waiting:
Waiting, alone until late night
The night is getting lonesome
The night is getting darker
Or, wearing a necklace with her name and recalling the romantic and sweet moments you had with the girl you love deeply, you feel like you want to escape from your soul:
I told myself love has faded away
But I am still wearing your necklace
Escaping from this city
What am I left with deep in my heart
I would rather forget about myself than forgetting you
~ Dave Wang I Would Rather Forget about Myself than Forgetting You
Even if you exhaust yourself to think of the past, the already-faded-away romance will never return again. No matter how pitiful you are, the person who dumped you will never come back to you. This is love. It comes really swiftly, and fades away even swifter. More saddening still, love does not exist after university. The romantic relationships occur during work life are rather a sort of plotting—what are the advantages to get involved with this person? Does it enhance my career and financial status and help me climb up the social ladder? Or you are forced to get married blindly under social pressure so that people think you are really mature and accountable and no longer dilly-dallying (in Cantonese, dilly-dally is aptly described as diu4 diu2 fing6). Remember the time when you like someone just because you really like her? Remember the time when you were having a secret crush on someone? These feelings rarely occur after you are twenty-something-years old or so. Having said so, we should still feel happy for having a crush on someone sincerely. But no high anticipation on it though; you will be disappointed at the end of the day. Romance pops up for ten minutes, or a stint of days, weeks or months. As the rays of light of romance are similar to that of the shooting stars, we shall only appreciate the beauty of the light and never anticipate it will exist forever.
In mathematical terms, the possibility of shooting-star-liked romance is too low. If you are to put all your hope and effort in romance, you will probably understand Na Ying’s Awakening from Dream very deeply:
You gave me an address of the sky
But it was too high that I fell and was bleeding continuously
With my wound, I went back to the once-betrayed-by-me city
Where only my own shadow accepts me
Speaking in investment terms, the possibility of getting your heart broken into pieces when you anticipate romance is too high. Which means this investment is not worth. Contrarily, your investment will be really lucrative if you put high hope on yourself—get yourself to work hard to master Japanese language, focus on your work and read more after coming home from work. This is because you are in full control of it; all you need to do is to work hard. Even if you need to put in 120 per cent of your effort, everything that you gain—your knowledge, your professional skills—will belong to you entirely. Instead of anticipating romance, why not anticipate yourself to work on these matters?
If a love relationship is to flourish and enter marriage, romance is just the initial stage, and it needs kinship when the relationship matures. In other words, you need to have the feeling that your lover is your family member. Romance is just a seed; it grows into a tree when the love upgrades to the feeling of a family member. But this attributes to affinity as well; without affinity, whatever feeling is still useless. It exists when it exists; it does not exist when it does not exist. As simple as that.
If it does not exist, perhaps you don’t have the luck, the affinity to have the company of your own partner to live the rest of your life together. Fate might as well arrange another partner for you—just that the partner appears in another form. It may be your career or your interests. Our destiny is rather mysterious. Some enjoy good careers but destroy their lives when they married someone blindly due to social pressure. Some achieve successful careers after several setbacks but still remain single due to the lack of luck and affinity. This is perhaps what the saying when God closes a door, He opens a window means. We encounter countless a-take-and-a-give circumstances in life, and it seems like it is really rare for us to have near-to-perfect life.
No matter how, for the person that you once had a crush on, you must thank her for giving you the feeling of loving someone sincerely. Perhaps you can come up with a sketching of her. It doesn’t matter if you are to hang the sketching on the wall or keep it in your heart; the most important thing is to remember her loveliness. When you think of her all of sudden amidst busy work life and recall the traces of her smile and tenderness during late night dream—isn’t this wonderful? You can still sip a nice wine named remembrance slowly, after all.
If you find it hard to grasp love with your hands
Why don’t you put this pair of hands in your heart
Time will pass; when I, who was once wearing the willow, hold hands with someone else
But what I can possess, after all
My hands no longer hold the prettiest hair behind her neck
But at least I downed the wine happily
~ Eason Chan Passers-By